One suitcase and a dream

I arrived in London with one suitcase, an album and a dream. It was clear that I needed to plant myself somewhere where I could grow, find like-minded creatives, and build a foundation that I felt was unavailable to me elsewhere. I also felt like I was up against a lot of resistence and opinions of others I grew up around and it was motivating me to stay on my path. After spending years not trusting own opinion, I found that the more people questioned my choices, the more assured I got. Maybe it's different for others, but trying to grow where you grew up felt like too much to mentally leap frog over, because in my case, my own limited beliefs would always be lingering in the background. 

Growing up in Ontario, Canada, I was part of a community where people knew who my parents were and my grandparents, but very few actually knew me. To be fair, I don’t think I even knew myself, and that’s why I left at eighteen for Europe to figure it out and become someone people knew just for me on my own. Whenever I return to where I grew up I always feel like I'm half alive, and leading up to London I had this realization that if I stayed and continued on the path I was expected to follow, I would disappear into that life. Not an exciting prospect so it's no wonder I peaced out.

            Passion is so underrated in our world. It’s a driving force, and it’s different for everyone. When I started creating Romantic Girl I didn’t know what it was going to be. At first, I just wanted to fulfill a childhood dream of becoming a songwriter. I went down to Nashville to record five songs, and then I set out to make an album. During that process I had this realization that there was a thread running through all the songs that could be weaved into a compelling story. When I told my producer Brandon Day about my thoughts on turning this project into a musical he said, “I thought that’s what we were doing the whole time,” and this affirmed my idea. It wasn't just me thinking this. At the time I was driving from Nashville to Florida and during that nine hour drive I pondered the idea, “what would the story be?” and then a sentence came to me.

            It’s about a love-starved girl named Blazer Rose who gets addicted to a magical pair of rose-coloured glasses and ends up in Love Rehab. The concept made me laugh imagining where Love Rehab would be, and what it would be like. A place where your pulse is checked on arrival to make sure your heart is still beating. A place where you would do art therapy and drama classes and there would be a room where the “broken men” men would go, and I thought of Blazer saying “don’t let me in there or I’ll try to fix them all.” I imagined a love interest showing up when Blazer’s in Love Rehab who was found to have no pulse at all—a medical marvel! And how he would arrive thinking it was regular rehab for drugs, but once he realized he’d have to talk about his feelings he’d try to run away. 

            The more I entertained myself with scenarios, the more I realized that the story had to be rooted in a novel that could dive into the depths of Blazer’s main relationship—the one with herself and how that relationship determined the fate of all the rest.

            And so—once I returned to Ontario and sat with what to do after completing the album, I realized I had to place myself somewhere where my dreams could have roots and wings. There was a particular day when I decided on London after debating it for a year! My friend and I had to move out of a place we were temporarily staying in when I got home, and then it was communicated that we had to leave. On the day we moved out I had an appointment with my life coach, and I drove there with everything I owned in my car. Once I got to her house I said, “I am going to London,” and she responded with “Great, now we can start figuring out a plan.”

            And that was it! This blog is to document the journey of bringing Romantic Girl to you. In the next post, I’ll talk about what happened once I got to London—until next time!

I'll leave you with a thought—If you are reading this and feeling like there is something more or something else you want to be doing with your life, remember we are only here for a short time. So if you're afraid, or worried about how people close to you will react, or just don't feel like it's possible—IT IS. Why not believe it? The only limitations we have are what we choose to believe, and the beauty of that is we can change our beliefs at any time. I'm a real—fall in love, move to another country, say "fuck it" have a cry and keep going kinda girl who get's equally plagued by my own self-doubt. At times I am constantly questioning the way the world is and how the universe weaves its webs, but I choose to believe that if we can hold the line and be brave enough to be and remain open to what our hearts truly want—then we are keeping the door open for magic to get at us. Having faith—whatever way that looks for you—I feel is the most crucial piece. Faith in yourself, faith in the process 🖤